Please Not Here!

To ingratiate myself with the natives, I'm trying to mind the rules, and also learn German. Thankfully the fences, buildings, shop windows and street corners of Munich are replete with signs that are assisting me with both quests.

This particular sign, in a storefront window down the block and around the corner from our flat, has helped me through all kinds of scrapes since I first noticed it. So why, I wonder, is "Bitte nicht hier!" so conspicuously absent from the lists of useful German phrases in all the guidebooks? Does nobody else travel with kids?

Not that I expect to change any behavior, but barking "Bitte nicht hier" every now and again sends the message to parents of so many perfectly behaved German children that I'm trying, at least. For example, I went downtown last weekend with Hannah and Tobias to rent bikes for what I envisioned as a pleasant Sunday ride around the city. We began our tour on a quaint cobblestone street right outside the bike shop, with a warm sun smiling upon us. I was thinking how sublime it felt until Tobias pulled up beside me and said: "Hey, Dad! I have a joke: two nuns were riding bikes along a cobblestone street..."

"Bitte, Tobias! Nicht hier. Ach! Nicht hier! It's Sunday morning, for crying out loud. Bitte..."

"Dad, dad. Wait. Just let me finish. So one nun says to the other..."*

It is slow going, amassing an arsenal of useful German phrases one "verboten" sign at a time. The "Bitte nicht hier" sign notwithstanding, I find the language mostly inscrutable. So I take pictures of signs out of curiosity (as in, I wonder what this one is scolding me about?) and then run them through Google Translate back at the flat.

Let's cut to a couple of examples. Here's a sign I see on many residential street corners that says a lot about the cultural primacy of obedience to the rules here in Germany:

German mother sets good example.

Rough translation: "Crossing only on green is an example to kids," and Germans take it to heart. Even the ruffians and cutthroats will wait interminably for a red crosswalk light to turn green.

Here's another example that says something else about German culture. The sign on the wall reads: "Fahrräder abstellen verboten":

That means "Don't dare park your bike here." (See how easy German is?)  Obviously, the bike owners are in flagrant violation, but the landlord had it coming for violating another Bavarian rule: Always say please.

Not that saying Bitte always helps. Let's pull back a little on "Bitte nicht hier!" and check out the scene:

Ach! Is Germany turning into a nation of scofflaws? Or does this speak to a canine illiteracy problem? I'm hoping the latter, based on a general observation of foreigners: When they have trouble understanding the signs...

...it's just one faux pas after another.

(That reminds me: soon I'll post about the old man who gave Hannah the "Bitte nicht hier" when she walked into a beer garden wearing those shorts.)

Finally, one last image as a reward to those who are still reading:

Attention: This is not a dog toilet. (It's our local cafe.)

Tschüs!

-------

*One of our asleep-at-the-switch moments was letting Tobias buy a copy of The Mammoth Book of Jokes, which he spent most of last spring committing to memory. He now has an inappropriate joke for just about any occasion. (If your curiosity about the nun joke is killing you, please e-mail Tobias directly.)